


What Lovers Do

by propertyofpoeandbucky



Series: Bucky Barnes Series/Multi-Part Fics [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Implied Smut, Insecurities, Self Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29783721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/propertyofpoeandbucky/pseuds/propertyofpoeandbucky
Summary: You have a friend with benefits relationship with the Winter Soldier himself: Bucky Barnes. You two have gotten the routine down: wake up, train, mission, come home, have sex, then act like nothing happened. It’s worked for you for a while now. But now that Bucky’s starting to see someone seriously, you don’t know what to do with yourself.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes & You, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/You
Series: Bucky Barnes Series/Multi-Part Fics [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2189115
Comments: 1
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

You and Bucky laid on the bed, naked, sweaty and panting. You just went three rounds of your “bedroom exercises”. You stared at the ceiling still in the post-sex haze.

“I’m seeing someone.” Bucky sais breaking the silence.

You turn your head to look at him, but he continues to stare at the ceiling, “Oh?”

“I think it’s getting serious.”

Your mouth suddenly feels really dry. You knew this would happen eventually, but you figured you’d be the one to break it off. Not Bucky. You wished it was you to find someone. But no. You couldn’t. Not when the guy you just had sex with was the one for you.

“What’s her name?” You looked at him teasingly, trying to hide the pain.

Bucky smiled, “Melissa, but she goes by Mellie.” Bucky turns to you and props his head on his hand, “Y/N, she’s so beautiful, kind, and funny. She knows about my past and she accepts me for who I am. It’s-It’s so amazing. _She’s_ so amazing.”

You have him a small smile, the smile not reaching your eyes, “I’m happy for you, Buck.”

Bucky smiled, “Thanks.” 

You immediately sat up and hopped out of Bucky’s bed picking up your clothes from the ground. Your heart hammering in your chest. You could feel tears well up in your eyes, but you wouldn’t let them fall. You couldn’t.

Bucky sat up as well looking at you confused, “You don’t wanna go another round?”

You slipped on your clothes, your back facing to him, “Nah. I’m beat. I need to take a shower still.” Bucky opened his mouth and you stopped him, “No, I won’t take a shower here.” You finally slipped on your socks and picked up your shoes. You sighed as you turned around putting on a fake smile, “It was good while it lasted, Barnes.”

Bucky gave you a sheepish smile, “Yeah. See ya around?”

You gave him a nod and left. You ran straight to your room and to the conjoining bathroom. You ripped off your clothes and turned the shower on. Once warm enough, you hopped in. You finally let your tears go and let them mix in with the water. 

This is what lovers do right? They sleep with each other until one gets bored of the other or until one finds someone else, right? 

You knew you what you were signing up for when Bucky made you an offer you simply couldn’t refuse. How could you? With his smile, his eyes, his hair, and his charm, you just couldn’t say no. Not to mention you already harboured a crush on the man. 

So it’s safe to say that this is your own fault that you’re heartbroken. Right?

Lovers are only lovers for the physical aspect. No emotions attached. You have sex then you go about your days pretending you haven’t spent hours in each others’ arms naked. You smile and occasionally flirt. You talk and hang out as if you don’t bring each other to a pleasurable bliss every other night. That’s what lovers do. Right? 

* * *

The next morning you drag yourself into the kitchen. Everyone was already there stuffing their face with some food. You sat down at your usual spot at the table. Steve sat down next to you setting a plate in front of you and sliding a cup of coffee to you.

You smiled at him, “Thanks, Stevie.”

He nodded, “You okay? You don’t look like you slept much.”

Steve knew the situation between you and Bucky. The poor guy accidentally walked in on the two of you while you were going at it. 

You shrugged, “He told you, right? About the girl he’s seeing?“ Steve nodded, "Yeah. That’s why I look like I got dragged through a blender. I couldn’t sleep.” 

“Hey, doll. You okay?” Bucky asks as he slides into the chair in front of you.

Steve answered the question for you, “Bad dream.”

Bucky looked concern, “Why didn’t-”

“You already don’t sleep that well, Buck. I didn’t wanna bother you.”

“Still, doll. If you need anything, just tell me. I wanna help you.”

You nodded, “Thanks.”

You looked down at your plate in sorrow. Steve cleared his throat and nudged you, “Wanna eat on the roof?”

“Sure.” You grabbed your plate and coffee mug and followed Steve to the elevator where you made your way to the roof’s lounging area. 

You sat down on the comfy couch and picked at your pancakes not really having an appetite. 

“I should probably warn you, he’s planning on bringing her by tomorrow. To have her meet everyone.

You groaned, “Steve noooo! I can’t face them! Not now!”

“You mean a lot to Bucky. So you gotta meet her. She’s actually really nice.”

You sighed, “Fine. But will you be by my side the entire time? Just in case anything happens?”

“You don’t even need to ask, sweetheart.” Steve wrapped his arm around you and kissed your head. You always felt safe when you were with Steve.


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky was anxious today. Today was the day that he was going introduce Mellie to the team. As he drove back to the compound with Mellie in the passenger seat, he couldn’t help but tap his fingers against the steering wheel in anticipation. 

Mellie assured Bucky that everything was going to be fine. She even joked that she should be the nervous one, not Bucky. Bucky just wanted everyone to like her. Especially you. You meant a lot to Bucky and for have the two important women in Bucky’s life like each other would be such a blessing. 

* * *

You stepped out of your room donning your workout pants, sports bra, and a think tank top, “Where are you going?” Steve asked from the other end of the hall making you stop.

You turned to face him, “A quick run. Just to mentally prepare myself for today.”

Steve nodded, “Okay. But they’re on their way, so hurry.” You saluted Steve and rushed out of the compound as fast as you could. 

Music blared in your ears as you ran. You didn’t know where you were headed. You just ran for it. You didn’t care if you ended up not meeting Bucky’s girlfriend. You didn’t care. You had to get away. 

Your mind was clouded. You thought back on the nights, and sometimes days, you spent with Bucky. He was so gentle with you. He was caring. He had a rough side, of course, but overall, he knew how to treat you. His feather-light touches and passionate kisses made you believe that he might actually feel something for you. But it was all in your head. He found someone better and it killed you. Were you not enough? What makes this woman so special? 

_She knows about my past and she accepts me for who I am._ But you did that too! Besides Steve, you were the first person to befriend Bucky! You were the one that stayed by his side during the nights he had nightmares. You would talk to him until he fell asleep. You accepted him and cared for him when Steve couldn’t. So you couldn’t understand why you weren’t enough.

* * *

The team loved Mellie already. She made bird jokes towards Sam and Clint, thus earning the trust of the rest of the team already. Bucky gave out a sigh of relief when no cruel or harsh words were sent their way. 

Bucky looked around the room and noticed you weren’t there. Out of curiosity, he pulled Steve aside, “Hey, where’s Y/N?”

“Out on a run. She’ll be back.”

You didn’t come back until it was dark. Your body was sore. You were irritated by how many times your phone rang and buzzed. You could couldn’t care less. You were tired. You didn’t want to deal with anyone. You just wanted to shower and then sleep.

But that wasn’t the case. When you got into the compound and into the living room, everyone’s eyes were on you. You rolled your eyes and went to the kitchen. 

Bucky followed you and watched as you gulped a bottle of water, “Where the hell were you?”

You swallowed the water and threw the bottle into the recycling, “Running.”

“You were gone for hours! You didn’t answer anyone’s calls and texts!”

You shrugged, “Oh well. I’m alive.”

You went to walk passed him but he grabbed your arm, “What the hell is going on with you?”

“Nothing!”

“Bull shit! Did you have another bad dream?”

“No,” you yanked your arm from Bucky’s grasp.

“I just wanna help-”

“I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP, BARNES! SO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!” You pushed Bucky away and stormed out of the kitchen. You pushed past, who you assumed was Mellie, without apologizing.

Mellie looked at Bucky with concern, “Are you okay?”

Bucky sighed, “Yeah.”

“That was Y/N, right?”

He nodded, “I’m sorry about that. I don’t know what’s going on with her. I was worried something happened to her. Then she waltzes in here as if we weren’t thinking the worse had happened.”

Mellie wrapped her arms around Bucky’s waist, “Maybe she’s just going through something. I’m sure she’ll tell you when she’s ready.”

Bucky wrapped his arms around Mellie, “Yeah. You’re right. Anyway, you ready to head out?”

Mellie smirked, “Take me home, James.”

Bucky grinned, “Yes, ma’am.”


	3. Chapter 3

You avoided Bucky for weeks after the incident in the kitchen. Everyone noticed a change in you and no one, but Steve understood. They often questioned him about it, but he said it wasn’t right for him to tell. Bucky pleaded with Steve. Begged on his knees.

“Please, Steve. If she’s hurting, I want to help! Why won’t she let me help?!” 

Steve shook his head, “I’m sorry, Buck. She rarely let’s me help her, so you won’t have any luck either.”

“She still let’s you go near her. Whenever I walk into the same room as her, she looks as if she hates me.”

Steve pat his best friend on the shoulder, “She’s just going through some stuff that she’s not comfortable with sharing. Just let her go through the motions. She’ll open up when she’s ready.”

* * *

You felt like you were never going to be ready to open up to anyone but Steve. That’s how broken you felt. When you weren’t training or on mission, you were curled up in your bed crying or staring at the ceiling. Like you were now.

Your bed was surrounded by dirty laundry and empty takeout food containers. Steve was really worried about you. You were barely sleeping or eating. You needed to get out. Find some sort distraction. 

Steve had come to Nat for help and Nat formed the idea to take you out to a karaoke bar. It was going well. You were laughing and smiling at all of the performances as you drank. But the more drinks you had, the more angry you felt. 

After your seventh…or was it eighth? Anyway, after many drinks, you found yourself being rather rowdy in the bar. It was starting to get so bad that you were starting to upset people around you. The bartender even cut you off. 

But here you were, standing on a table while singing Joan Jett’s “I Hate Myself for Loving You”

_Midnight, gettin’ uptight. Where are you?  
You said you’d meet me, now it’s quarter to two  
I know I’m hangin’ but I’m still wantin’ you.  
_

_Hey, Jack, It’s a fact they’re talkin’ in town.  
I turn my back and you’re messin’ around.  
I’m not really jealous, don’t like lookin’ like a clown.  
_

_I think of you every night and day.  
You took my heart, then you took my pride away.  
_

_I hate myself for loving you.  
Can’t break free from the the things that you do.  
I want to walk but I run back to you, that’s why  
I hate myself for loving you._

You sang obnoxiously kicking people’s drinks off the table.

Nat was a bit drunk herself, but not as bad as you. You were starting to become a handful. Therefore, she called the one person you didn’t want to see to help her out: Bucky.

“Nat, it’s 2 in the morning.” She heard Bucky say.

She covered her other ear trying to block out your singing, “Can you get us? I’m drunk and can’t drive. Y/N’s absolutely wasted.”

Bucky sighed, “Fine. Text me the location. Be there in a bit.”

_Daylight, spent the night without you.  
But I’ve been dreamin’ ‘bout the lovin’ you do.  
I won’t be as angry ‘bout the hell you put me through.  
_

_Hey, man, bet you can treat me right.  
You just don’t know what you was missin’ last night.  
I want to see your face and say forget it just from spite.  
_

_I hate myself for loving you .  
Can’t break free from the the things that you do.  
I want to walk but I run back to you, that’s why  
I hate myself for loving you._

You hopped from one table to the next causing the bar attendees to cry out in displeasure. You were completely unaware of the mess you were causing.

Less than ten minutes later, Bucky walked into the bar. Drunk singing filling his ears. His eyes zeroed in on you dancing sloppily on a table while finishing up the song:

_I hate myself for loving you.  
Can’t break free from the things that you do.  
I want to walk but I run back to you, that’s why  
I hate myself for loving you.  
_

_I think of you every night and day.  
You took my heart, then you took my pride away.  
_

_I hate myself for loving you.  
Can’t break free from the the things that you do.  
I want to walk but I run back to you, that’s why  
I hate myself for loving you.  
I hate myself for loving you.  
I hate myself for loving you._

You turned on your heel stepping on an ice cube thus slipping. You thought you were about to die, ready to feel the impact of the floor meet your body. You didn’t. Instead you fell into the arms of-

“Oh doll, what did you get yourself into?” Bucky said looking down at you with pity. 

You immediately scrambled out of Bucky’s arms, “Don’t touch me!” You tried to walk away, but in your drunken state, you were swaying a lot. Bucky caught you again, “C’mon. I’m bringing you and Nat home.”

“I don’t wanna go anywhere with you! I hate you!”

Bucky sighed, “I’m sorry about this, Y/N.” He swept you up and threw you over his shoulder. Nat followed him with you bag in her hand.

You slammed your hands on his back, “Let go of me! I don’t want you touching me!” 

Bucky set you down in the back seat of his car. Nat slid in with you. He held his hands up, “I’m done touching you. Okay? Calm down.”

You held up a middle finger to him, “Fuck you, Barnes.”

You woke up as Bucky was carrying you to your room. You don’t remember falling asleep. Bucky set you onto your bed, “I’ll be back.” He pulled the covers over you.

When he left the room, you broke down in tears. Your insecurities came flooding in. Why weren’t you good enough? Why weren’t you pretty enough? Or smart enough? Or kind enough? Why? Why? WHY?

“Why what, doll?” Bucky asked as he set a glass of water and some pills on your bedside table. He then sat at the edge of your bed. 

You shook your head, still crying, “I’m not good enough. I’m never good enough. I’ll never be good enough!” You sobbed into your hands.

Bucky’s heart broke at the sound of your sobs. He pulled you over and into his arms. He stroked your hair as he spoke, “Ssshhh. You’re enough, Y/N. You’ll always be enough.”

“He hurt me! It hurts so much!” You sobbed into Bucky’s shoulder.

“Who, doll? Who hurt you?”

“I can’t! It hurts so much!” You repeated over and over again not answering Bucky’s question. 

Eventually, you stopped crying and drifted off into sleep. Bucky lowered you down onto the bed once more and pulled the covers over you. He stood up and looked at your sleeping figure. 

Bucky felt so much anger as he took in the sight of your wet cheeks and swollen eyes. If he ever found out who hurt you, he was going to beat the shit outta him.


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky ended up staying the night in your room. He was going to leave you be, but wanted to make sure you were okay throughout the night. He stayed awake longer than he should have just watching you. You looked at peace. The complete contrast of what you displayed every time you were near him. He had to admit it that it hurt the way you were treating him. He didn’t understand it. You both ended the arrangement in an amiable manner. So what was going on?

Bucky’s phone started ringing and he silently cursed. He scrambled through his pockets looking for the disturbing device. His eyes widened when you groaned. He quickly answered the call button and waited. You didn’t wake up and he gave a breath of relief. 

Bucky slowly made his way outside your room and he put the phone to his ear, “Hello?” he whispered out.

“Where the hell did you go?!” Mellie screeched through the phone.

Bucky flinched at his screaming girlfriend, “Babe, I’m sorry. Nat needed help with Y/N-”

“Seriously?! Her again?! You’re always worried about her, Bucky and you don’t need to! She’s treating you like shit anyway! So why bother?!”

“Because I care about her!” He whispered loudly through the phone. 

“More than me obviously!”

“Wait a minute. That’s not fair.”

“All you do nowaday is talk about Y/N! Y/N this! Y/N that! I’m tired of it! You know what? Maybe this isn’t working out. You’re obviously too occupied for someone else who ISN’T EVEN YOUR GIRLFRIEND!”

Bucky gulped, “So what are you saying?”

“We’re taking a break. Until you figure out what or more like who you want. Good-bye, James.” With a click she was gone. 

Bucky gave a defeated sigh.

* * *

_Bucky groaned in irritation as his phone began to ring. He pat around the bedside table looking for it._

_“Babe, turn it off.” Mellie mumbled in her sleep.  
_

_“‘M tryin’.” Bucky sat up and picked up his phone. Nat’s name flashing on the screen. He answered it, “Nat, it’s 2 in the morning.” Bucky grumbled through his phone. He could hear how loud it was coming from Nat’s end of the call._

_“Can you get us? I’m drunk and can’t drive. Y/N’s absolutely wasted.” Bucky’s ears perked at the sound of your name._

_Bucky looked to his right to see Mellie sleeping soundly. He sighed, “Fine. Text me the location. Be there in a bit.”_

_On the way there, Bucky was worried. You usually didn’t like getting completely drunk. Especially in public places. You liked having complete control over what you do and say. Being drunk didn’t have that advantage._

_When he brought you to the car and you shouted how you hated him, he felt his heart break. What on Earth did he do to deserve something so cruel? You, the one who helped rebuild who he was, now hated his guts. It didn’t make sense._

* * *

When you woke up with a moan of displeasure. Your head hurt, but not as much as you thought it would. You were somewhat grateful for that. 

You rubbed your eyes and when you opened them, a glass of water was right in your face. You looked up see Bucky standing at the side of your bed. You glared at him, “What are you doing here?”

Bucky looked somber, “Wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

You looked at him suspiciously and took the water, “Thanks,” you mumbled. Bucky sat at the edge and he fiddled with the hem of his shirt. He looked upset, “What’s wrong?” you asked in a concern tone. You mentally hit yourself.

“Mellie and I had a fight.”

“Oh,” was all you could muster up.

“Yeah,” you hated yourself for feeling sorry for Bucky. Sure, you hated that he didn’t pick you, but that doesn’t mean you should revel in his sorrows. 

“Wanna watch something? A movie or whatever?”

Bucky was surprised by the gesture, but he figured it was out of pity. He might not get another opportunity to hang out with you like before in a while so he accepted. 

You turned your tv to Netflix and browsed through the movies. You both decided to watch a movie called “White Chicks”. Throughout the movie, you were laughing. Something that Bucky had missed so much. He missed your smile, your laugh, the joy that radiated off you. He had to cherish this moment. 

After a while, you found yourself shrinking into Bucky’s side. You felt him wrap his arm around you and you tried to hide a smile. You missed being held by him. 

Halfway into the movie, Bucky lost interest. He, instead, watched you. Watched your facial expressions come and go as the movie progressed. He didn’t know what happened or how, but something stirred in him. 

“Y/N?” He muttered. 

You looked at him, “Hm?” And Bucky’s lips were suddenly on yours. You moaned into the kiss, missing how soft they were against yours. But then you remembered Mellie. You pushed him off you, “Bucky-”

“Ssshh. It’s okay, doll. I got ya.” Doll. That nickname that you said you hated but really loved. 

Bucky climbed atop you and lowered your back onto the bed. He kissed your lips, then your cheeks, to your jaw, and down your neck. You breathed out his name, “Bucky,” it was neither in displeasure or bliss. It was neutral. You wanted to stop this, but you couldn’t. You missed Bucky’s touch so much. 

“Let’s get you outta these clothes, doll.” Bucky helped you get out of the dress you wore the night before leaving you in a white lace lingerie set. Bucky groaned, “Did you plan on going home with someone last night, baby?” He murmured as he left kisses down your chest. 

Your breathing hitched, “Yes.”

Bucky progressed with unclipping your bra and throwing it over his shoulder. The matching panties eventually joining them. 

After some foreplay and dirty words, he was inside you and you were both moaning messes. You begged and pleaded for release. His name falling from your lips like a prayer. 

Eventually, Bucky pulled out and finished on your stomach. He then got up and when to the bathroom. He came back with a damp washcloth and he swiped the semen and sweat from your body, eventually tossing the fabric into the hamper. 

He cuddled you after. You cherished the feeling of his arms around you, his soft kisses on your forehead. You drifted off to sleep with a smile on your face.

* * *

When you woke up, you were naked and alone. Bucky was nowhere in sight. You were a bit upset to not find him, but you figured maybe he got hungry or Steve needed him. You went to your dresser and picked out a bra and underwear. You slipped those on along with a t-shirt and black sweatpants. 

You made your way towards the kitchen and you heard raised voices, “How could you do this to her?!”

“It was a mistake, okay?! I know!” A mistake. Earlier was a mistake. You felt so gross and used. He probably just used you to cope with the argument he had with Mellie. 

“She deserves better.” Steve grumbled. 

“I know.”

“You know you’re a real piece of shit, Barnes.” You said raising your voice. 

Bucky turned to you, “Y/N, I-”

“I hate you! I hate how I agreed to get into that arrangement with you. I hate how I ended up falling for you! I hate how you care for me one point and then hurt me the next! I hate you so much I can’t take it anymore!” Your let yours tears fall, they streamed violently down your face. 

“I was so much happier before you came along! I’m sorry I’m not Mellie! I’m sorry I’m not beautiful, funny, or kind like her! I’m sorry I’ll be never enough for you! I’m sorry it was mistake to get involved with the likes of me.” With that you turned on your heel and headed towards your room, Bucky’s cries for you deaf to your ears.

He followed you to your door until you slammed it in his face, “Doll! Y/N, please! Just listen to what I have to say!”

You slid down the door and onto the floor, a crying mess, “GO AWAY! I HATE YOU JAMES BARNES!”

Bucky was crying now. He never knew how much he fucked up until you were there crying and yelling at his face. He just wanted to make things right and now he just made it worse.


	5. Chapter 5

_Bucky was watching you again as you slept. Your naked form curled into his side. Was this wrong? Technically, he and Mellie did just break up an hour or two prior this. But he couldn’t help it. Just you being the usual light of his life, with your smile and laugh, Bucky had to have you._

_After the deed was done, Bucky came to the final conclusion: he loved you. Sure, he cared for Mellie and he really did like her a lot, but he always found himself mentally comparing her to you. He thought it was just because you were the person to help him become the man he is now. But now he realized it was because he cared for you much deeper than a friend._

_You were sound asleep, so Bucky decided to slip away. He needed to tell Mellie what he decision was. He picked up his clothes off the floor and quickly put them on. With a final glance to you, he closed the door behind him. He first wanted to get some water before going to Mellie. He stopped in his tracks when he saw Steve there._

_Steve gave him a look of confusion, “I thought you were at Mellie’s?”_

_“I was. Uh, Nat needed my help with getting her and Y/N home. I ended up spending the night with Y/N.”  
_

_Steve gave him a look of disapproval, “Buck-”_

_“I didn’t sleep with her…at least…not until later.”  
_

_“BUCKY!”  
_

_“It was a heat of the moment! Mellie and I had a fight on the phone and she broke up with me. Y/N and I were just watching some movies and…yeah. After that, I decided that I love Y/N. I have all along…”  
_

_“So you were stringing Mellie along this whole time?! How could you do this to her?!”_

_“It was a mistake, okay?! I know!”_

_Steve shook his head, “She deserves better.”_

_Bucky sighed, “I know.”_

_“You know you’re a real piece of shit, Barnes.” Bucky’s eyes widened to the sound of your voice. You looked angry and tears started falling from your eyes.  
_

_“Y/N, I-” he began but you cut him off yelling at him, telling him that you loved him yet he hurt you so much. Soon enough you were stomping to your room and Bucky followed you crying out your name, begging you to listen to what he had to say._

All that brought you both here now, Bucky’s forehead rested against the cold door. Your faint cries can be heard and it was like a knife being stabbed through Bucky’s heart. He’d hurt you. All this time while he flaunted his relationship with Mellie around, he’d caused you pain. And he hated himself for it. He wished he could go back in time and change everything. Tell you how he felt before all this, when it was just an inkling, he should have told you. None of this would’ve happened. 

Bucky backed away from the door, rubbing his red eyes drying the tears from his skin. He gave out a shaky breath, he still needed to tell Mellie. It doesn’t matter if you hate him right now, he needed to do this. 

He passed the kitchen and Steve was long gone. Bucky took his motorcycle to Mellie’s. He explained the whole situation to her. Was she upset? Yes. Their overall relationship was basically meaningless and it hurt her. But she understood. Bucky didn’t think he was good enough for you, so he let you go. 

With a final kiss, Mellie and Bucky parted ways with him giving his last apology and her giving him forgiveness. Bucky didn’t think he deserved it, but he accepted it anyway. 

On his way back to the compound, Bucky picked up a bouquet of your favorite flowers, some chocolates, your favorites snacks, and a tub of your favorite ice cream. He knew it was going to take a lot more than this for you to forgive him. But it was a start. 

He lugged the items towards your room. The door was slightly ajar. He heard your whimpering which were followed by soft hushes and comforting words.

“I don’t think I deserve love, Steve.”

Bucky opened the door slightly. He peaked inside to see Steve craddling you, Bucky’s shoulders sagged. 

“Stop that. You deserve all the love in the world.”

“Not the love that I wanted.” You muttered.

“Not so sure about that.” Steve mumbled.

“Doll,” you slowly rose your head and looked at Bucky. His sad blue eyes met your wet, red ones. He gulped.

Steve moved away from you, “I’ll let you guys be alone.” He gave his friend a pat on the shoulder and left with the door shut behind him.

“Y/N, I never meant to hurt you. I promise. The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you. I’m sorry that I was blind to your pain. I’m sorry I was blind to my own feelings. The truth is…I love you. Pretty sure I always have. Ever since you made that joke about using my arm to slap Sam in the face. I wasn’t completely aware of it at the time. I hate that I wasn’t. Because if I was, I wouldn’t have gone out with Mellie and put you through hell.”

“You said I was a mistake.” You rasped out, curling your legs towards your.

Bucky shook his head stepping forward and setting the things he bought on the floor. He crawled onto the bed so he sat in front of you, “You didn’t hear the whole conversation. I was talking about Mellie. My entire relationship with her was a mistake.”

“Why? She was perfect.”

He shook his head again, “She wasn’t. She wasn’t perfect because I kept comparing her to you. Everything she did I’d think of you. Her laugh never compared to yours. Her smile wasn’t as bright. Her kisses and her touch never sent butterflies to my stomach like yours did.”

“Then why did you date her?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it was to let me forget about you. Because, honestly, I don’t deserve you.” Bucky casted his eyes down in shame.

“Bucky-”

“I don’t. Like I said, you’re perfect. I’m still a broken man.”

“Not to me.” you muttered.

Bucky slowly rose his head and looked at you, “Y/N, I don’t deserve you, but I love you and it’d mean the world to me if you’d be my girl. My only girl.”

You sighed with confliction, “You really hurt me, Bucky.”

“I’ll do whatever it takes to earn your trust, love, and forgiveness.” Bucky watched you bite your lip, contemplating and hesitating to answer. Bucky scrambled off the bed and picked up the things he brought tossing them onto the bed, “Maybe this can be the start?”

You took in the sight before you. Your favorite flowers and food lay before you. You couldn’t help but smile. You looked back at him, “It takes more than food and flowers to win me over, James.”

Bucky grinned, “Throw anything my way, doll. I’m up for a challenge and will be for the long run.

* * *

This is what lovers do. They love each other through thick and thin, whether or not they were blind to see it. They realize, they confess, they struggle, but in the end, they make it work. Because that’s what lovers do.


End file.
